


He's not here

by EnjolrasTheRevolutionary



Series: I'm alive [7]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, Sorry Not Sorry, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 17:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20085985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnjolrasTheRevolutionary/pseuds/EnjolrasTheRevolutionary
Summary: It's time for Enjolras to understand. (Bad summary but read the other six parts)





	He's not here

When Enjolras woke up the chair was occupied. For a second he thought it was Grantaire. 

It wasn't. 

It was Courfeyrac.

"What are you doing here?" Enjolras asked.

"I came to check on you." 

"I'm fine." 

"You don't look fine." 

"I'm fine Courfeyrac." 

"I just... I want to go home to Grantaire. Thank him." 

As Enjolras said that, Courfeyrac looked shocked. 

"Enjolras..." 

"What?" 

"Grantaire is..." 

"Is?" 

"You don't remember, do you?" 

"Remember what?" 

Courfeyrac looked straight at him now. Enjolras sat up, and looked back at him. 

"Enjolras, I... You... Grantaire is..." 

"He was here yesterday, did he go home?" 

_Oh. He thinks Grantaire's still here. I should tell him... but carefully. _Courfeyrac thought. 

"Enjolras, do you remember what happened 8 months ago?" 

"No, what?" 

"Enjolras, why do you... want to thank Grantaire?" 

"He called the ambulance." 

"No he didn't." 

Enjolras looked at him. 

"He did. He said so. Yesterday. Then he stayed with me until I fell asleep in his arms."

"Enjolras... please, listen to me." 

"What?!" Enjolras crossed his bandaged arms over his chest. 

"It wasn't Grantaire who called the ambulance." 

"It was." 

Courfeyrac got up, and put one hand on Enjolras's shoulder. 

"Look at me Enjolras." 

"Where's Grantaire?" 

_Shit. I have to lie to him. _

"He's... he went home to sleep." 

"When's he coming back?" 

"Well... you see, he's... he... he..." Courfeyrac couldn't bring himself to say it. The words 'He's dead.' was _so _hard to say. Especially to Enjolras, who clearly didn't remember it. 

"He's what?" 

_I can't tell him this. It will break him. He needs to know, though. I have to remind him. _Courfeyrac's thoughts ran wild in his head. How do you tell someone something like that?

"Listen. Grantaire never called the ambulance. I... I went over to see if you were OK or if you needed anything... I found you, bleeding out on the bedroom floor. You know who called the ambulance? Me. After that? I scrubbed your blood off the damned floor! I thought we were going to loose you too!" 

"Too?" 

"Yes, too! We've been through enough as it is! One funeral was one too many, we all think so. We want to help you but you push us away when..." 

"Who died?" Enjolras interrupted him. 

"You don't remember, do you?" 

"No." 

"Enjolras, Grantaire died eight months ago. I don't know who or _what _you think you're seeing, but it's not real. He's not here. He's not here. He's been dead 8 months. It was an accident." 

"You're lying!" 

Enjolras was crying now. 

"Go to hell Courfeyrac. Get the hell out. I wish you'd never found me." He spat out the words, like they had a bitter taste. 

"I care, Enjolras, no matter what you think. We all care. We're worried about you, you know." 

"Fuck you." 

"I get it." 

"Do you?! Have you ever lost someone you loved?! I wanted to marry him." 

"Stop acting like you were the only one who cared about him. I lost him too. We've all been through hell those 8 months. We've worried about you, we lost Grantaire, we kind of lost you too." 

"Just go Courfeyrac.. Leave me alone." 

"Alright. I'll go get some coffee. I'll be back." 

Courfeyrac left and Enjolras hoped he wasn't ever returning. Of course, he didn't really mean that, it was just his grief talking. He closed his eyes and cried. 

That's when Grantaire showed. 

"Enjolras?" 

"He said you're not really here. Is that true?" 

"Yes. I didn't call an ambulance. I can't. I'm dead. Or, well, I'm a spirit. I lied about it you know. I lied about calling for help." 

"Why?" 

"You thought you held my hand last night, but you really didn't. You weren't touching me, you were touching air. I didn't hold you, because I can't. I can't touch you. You can't touch me. I can't move on either. I'm stuck here." 

"It felt real." 

"That was all in your head. Your mind playing tricks."

"So you're only in my head?" 

Grantaire's spirit nodded. Now when Enjolras looked at him, he could see through him. 

"I'm not making you see things. You are."

"What's going on?" 

"What?" 

"You... I can see _through _you!" 

"Comes with being a spirit" 

"But you're... real." 

"Enjolras. No. Not anymore." 

"Grantaire!" 

Grantaire sighed. 

"Don't you get it, Apollo? The only reason I'm here, is because you won't accept it. You won't accept that I'm gone. Dead." 

"_I'm _the one keeping you here?!" 

"Yes. You are." 

"Why?"

"Okay. Let me explain. Unless you let me go, I'll be trapped here. I want to go. I want to be alive of course, but... that won't happen and you know it. " 

"Why can I hear you?" 

"We're connected I guess." 

"I love you." 

"I know." 

"I'm so sorry I never said it before." 

"You showed it. It's the little things, like, you know, how you knew when I had a bad day before I said it." 

"Or how you knew when to just let me rant about something I saw in the news and when to distract me from it." 

"I loved watching you then. I think I filled 12 sketch pads with quick sketches of you, going on about something." 

"You did?" 

"Yes." 

"I didn't know that." 

"No, you were too busy with being irritated at society. There's a fire in you when you do that. You lost that too. There's barely any embers left in you." 

"I guess the fire died too." 

"Light it again." 

"Can't." 

"You can. You're the only one who can"

"How?" 

"Let your emotions out. Cry, be angry, be _something. _Now you're just, not feeling anything."

"I don't want to feel anything." 

"You have to. Eventually." 

"I want to go home." 

"You will. Once you go home, just... promise me you will take care of yourself. Eat, even if it's a pizza, takeout or whatever. Sleep. Live." 

"I promise." 

"I love you." 

"I love you too." 


End file.
